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Golf Jokes

Golf Long Drive - Jokes

Golfers can be a different breed but the biggest characteristic I’ve seen in golfes is pure  laughing. Golf is one of the only games that people joke about how bad they are. This means that they usually have a sense of humor so a list of golf jokes are endless and pretty much relate to every golfer somehow or another. 

Some Common Funny Sayings…

  • You changing golf equipment more frequently than your socks!
  • Getting new clubs is like an adult version of a 6-year old getting presents on Christmas
  • My dad told me this joke… I only play Military Golf. Left, Right, Left, Right, Left, Right.

Humorous Jokes

Gregg was playing a round of golf with the club pro one day and after 18 holes they went into the clubhouse. James asked the pro: “What do you think of my game?”

The pro replied: “You should shorten your clubs by 1 inch.”

Gregg asked if the pro thought this would help his game.

To which the pro said, “No! It will help them fit in the trash can!”

———————-

Two golfers join up at the first tee and each explains that due to a psychological problem, they play slightly differently than most golfers. They soon learn that they both have the same doctor who has prescribed a game of golf using an imaginary golf ball to reduce stress. And so they tee off with their imaginary balls.

After a day of splitting fairways and hitting nothing less then eagles, birdies, and pars, they reach the 18th hole. The first one indicates because they are equal in their score that he should hit first. So he tees off with his imaginary ball. “Look at that, a beautiful shot just on the edge of the green.”

The second guy hits his imaginary ball and indicates that it has also landed on the edge next to the other ball. The first guy lines up and drains his 20-footer to the bottom of the cup. “You wouldn’t believe it, my ball just rolled into the cup, I win.”

The second guy responds, “You won’t believe it either, you just hit my ball.”

———————–

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

Bob and Chuck head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Bob says to Chuck, “Let’s say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day.”

Chuck agrees and they enjoy a great game. After the 8th hole, Chuck is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. “Help me find my ball; you look over there,” he says to Bob.

After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a two-stroke penalty, Chuck pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. “I’ve found my ball!” he announces triumphantly.

Bob looks at him forlornly, “After all the years we’ve been friends, you’d cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?”

“What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!”

“And a liar, too!” Bob says with amazement. “I’ll have you know I’ve been standing on your ball for the last five minutes!”



Wife: You spend far too much time concentrating on golf! Do you even remember the day we got engaged?

Husband: Sure I do. It was the same day I shot even par.

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V Tongwarin

V Tongwarin

Visanu Tongwarin or “Coach V” is a Class A PGA Teaching Professional at Legacy Ridge Golf Course and Walnut Creek Golf Preserve in Westminster, Colorado. V's brings his passion for teaching the game of golf to all levels of golfers from running children clinics to training state champions and seasoned professionals.